How I got mentally prepared to eat some bullfrog legs

….As we were riding along, I’m looking out the window. I keep thinking to myself…”he got me!”…”the rat bastard got me!” and NOW I know what all those emails were for. You see…earlier in day, I kept getting these emails from Rambob…

Ding! You got mail! – “How to hunt bullfrogs with a gig”

Ding! You got mail! – “How to make a gig”
Ding! You got mail! – “How to skin a bullfrog”
Ding! You got mail! – “How to prepare a bullfrog”
Ding! You got mail! – “How to cook a bullfrog”

Huh. I should have known he was leading up to something.

We finally arrive home and unpack our gear. I may or may not have purposely left those frogs in the bucket…in the back of the truck…with the tailgate up. I then walked into the house…frog-less. “Hey!” Hey!” “Where you think you’re going? You have frogs to skin”

Me: “Hey!...Hey!...NOT! It’s shower time, not frog time. Get a new watch, Bubba. Your butt is on its own”.

stole it! ...from Google images

And off I go to get a shower, all the while Rambob’s laughing. You see… I have this thing about gutting and skinning. I know how…I just can’t actually DO the act. I can harvest, butcher and cook the meat….I just can’t quite make it over the hump and do the gutting and skinning. And Rambob knows this fact. UGH!

 The next morning I get up…my feet slapping the hardwood floors as I make my way to the kitchen…slap, slap, slap…I can taste that orange juice right now…slap, slap, slap... I open the refrigerator door…WHAT.THE.HELL!

stole it!...from Google images

There they sit eye level… THE frog legs. Sitting in a clear bowl… front of my O to the J. I shut the door and shake my head. I re-open the door….there THEY sit. Skinned up frog legs in my refrigerator. Holy Canoli. How am I suppose to get to my precious OJ? Damn Rambob. So I shove the legs over, reach for my OJ and stop...damn that's some white meat. I can't get over how pure white those suckers are. Damn dudes, they are whiter than my legs...and that's WHITE!. I  go on,  get my OJ then go about my business. Slap, slap, slap...

Later in the day, I kept thinking about these damn frog legs….this is part of my mental preparation. How am I going to cook these suckers? So I grab 4-5 of my old timey cookbooks and see what they said…

 Batter and fry. Batter and fry. NOTE: legs will jump. Batter and fry. Batter and fry. NOTE: Jumping legs in pan. Batter and fry.

Well, that answers that….I guess I will batter ‘em up and fry ‘em up. I got out my ol' trusty cast iron frying pan... flopped in some bacon grease and left it to heat up.


Then I got to thinking about the first few times I fried rabbits. I dried those suckers out trying to get them brown until someone told me the ancient Chinese secret that you are suppose to boil the damn rabbits first! Since I didn’t want to mess these legs up... because I know Rambob will think I did it on purpose…I decided to boil the legs first.

While the legs were boiling, I threw together some flour, cornmeal, Panko bread crumbs, salt, black pepper, cayenne pepper, onion powder, garlic powder and parsley flakes into a brown paper bag. Then I made an egg wash. While I was waiting for the legs, my mind wandered...wandered to all the comments...legs will jump in frying pan, DEAD legs move! Lawdy Mercy! How am I going to get through this?...

DING, DING, DING. The legs are done. I drain 'em, dip 'em, coat 'em and throw 'em in the hot bacon grease....sizzle sizzle sizzle....Oh Gawd! It's gotta be coming! These bastards are getting ready to kick anytime and I'm gonna gag...sizzle sizzle sizzle....Ok, come on! I'm mentally prepared for this jumping crap....sizzle sizzle sizzle...wait! they're brown already! NO JUMPING! ....shoot, I got this!


I moved on and finished up getting the mashed potatoes, greens and cornbread ready....and sat down to eat. I fixed my plate...minus the legs. Of course, Rambob notices this. "Hey, you forgot to get some legs".

ME: "No, I have a set of my own. Thanks" "
RAMBOB: "You're not getting outta this. Eat 'em"
ME: "Noooo. I am NOT mentally prepared for the eating. One step at a time"

**flop goes some legs onto my plate...thanks to the courtesy of Rambob**.

OMG! Seriously? Gahhhh! Inhale...exhale...inhale...exhale. I take a bite...mentally unprepared...and I chew...and chew...and chew. It felt like I was chewing on a Nerf football...that kept growing and growing and growing...and I chewed and chewed and chewed. So the slick chick I am...I acted like I was wiping my mouth and spit it out.

RAMBOB: "Hey, don't spit that out!"
ME: "what?"
RAMBOB: "I saw you spit that out"
ME: "Nooooo I didn't"
RAMBOB: " Show me the napkin"
ME: **SHIT!** Busted !...."Dammit, I told you I wasn't mentally prepared for this!"

A couple more minutes go by and I decided I had worked up the nerve to try it again...this time I WAS mentally prepared. So, I take another bite and chewed....huh. This is pretty tasty. No wild taste at all. I hate to say it but...it does taste like chicken. There really is no taste.

Rambob's sitting there with his ornery, "I told you so" grin....

ME: "Shut up. If you say it... I will gig you!"

stole it!...from Google images

NOTE: you can go back and read HOW I got these crazy bull frog legs by going back and reading here...

NOTE: Later, I found out that, if you boil the legs first, it takes out the muscle reflexes so you don't have the jumping. I think I may try straight up frying 'em next time so I can see how they jump....now that I am mentally prepared